My best friend is a very extroverted entrepreneur. For her, every aspect of her life is kindling for an interesting story. She exudes charisma and is the life of every meeting, conference, or proverbial party. I am often the exact opposite. Early in our friendship, she turned to me and said, “You know, you are the kind of person that people will slowly realize is really deep and quite fascinating. You’re charismatic.”

Yes, I am a “slow charismatic,” which I define as a person who can interest and even inspire people without being overly gregarious, bubbly, or extroverted. I am social in a quiet way, the typical introvert described in Susan Cain’s book, Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can’t Stop Talking. She explains how our society views introverts when she writes, “Introversion— along with its cousins sensitivity, seriousness, and shyness— is now a second-class personality trait, somewhere between a disappointment and a pathology. Introverts living in the Extrovert Ideal are like women in a man’s world, discounted because of a trait that goes to the core of who they are.”1 It can be challenging for introverts to navigate an extroverted world, particularly as leaders. Many people immediately associate effective leadership with extroversion. And for quite a while, I did too. But I have come to understand that being a slow charismatic has advantages.

I once had the privilege of meeting the president of a small liberal arts college, who was different from the very animated women and men I was used to seeing in that role. He was the epitome of what you picture when you think of higher education. He was quiet, erudite, and possessed esoteric knowledge of his specialty. My initial impression of him shifted as soon as he began talking about the mission of his institution and its important role in the landscape of higher education. Watching him talk about the value of his school to a group of diverse higher education professionals was remarkable. He connected the story of his institution— its history, mission, and impact— to the needs of the people and communities around him in an inspiring way. I was riveted, as was everyone around him.

He was certainly not a person I initially thought would be charismatic. He did not demand attention or shine with the glamour of self-assurance, but when the spotlight was on him, he glowed with the sheen of thoughtful enthusiasm, knowledge, and passion. It quickly became obvious that he thought deeply and was a true believer in his institution. He shone in the light of what he truly cared about, making the rest of us gravitate toward him and view him as someone with that illustrious quality of charisma.

Slow charismatics are like that. They are capable and passionate, but they need little acts of bravery that push them into the spotlight and give them the confidence to be great leaders. So how can slow charismatics capitalize on what makes them charismatic? How can we lean into our skill sets to embrace the Bravable mindset: a courageous capacity for change?

What is Charisma, Anyway?

A Program on Negotiation at Harvard Law School blog post, “Charismatic Leadership: Weighing the Pros and Cons,” outlines how the idea of charisma was first proposed by sociologist Max Weber in his 1947 book, Theory of Social and Economic Organization. Weber referred to charisma as a gift “of the body and spirit.”2 Expanding on Weber’s ideas, leadership scholar Robert House explored the link between leadership and charisma in his paper, “A 1976 Theory of Charismatic Leadership.” House defined charismatic leaders as “leaders who by force of their personal abilities are capable of having profound and extraordinary effects on followers.”3 Charisma is the capability of an individual to charm and inspire others. A common belief is that charisma is an elusive attribute that can’t be taught, but researchers contend that the abilities of charismatic individuals can be trained and developed.

Charisma is not just extroversion. It is passion, confidence, warmth, authenticity, enthusiasm, trustworthiness, self-awareness, and emotional intelligence— all qualities and learnable skills that both introverts and extroverts can embody. Slow charismatics have staying power— their charisma is based on confidence in their ability to listen and form a strong argument. Slow charismatics are often not the loud, flashy people demanding the most attention. They are the individuals who sparkle and thrive when channeling their inner confidence and passion. In her book, Susan Cain writes, “The secret to life is to put yourself in the right lighting. For some, it’s a Broadway spotlight; for others, a lamplit desk. Use your natural powers— of persistence, concentration, and insight— to do work you love and work that matters. Solve problems, make art, think deeply.”1 Once you illuminate yourself in the light of your passion, you will project qualities of charisma.

So slow charismatics, here is what you can do to leverage your natural abilities and passions to be Bravable:  

1. Embrace your quietude to listen and create connections.

In his book, Co-Active Leadership Five Ways to Lead, Henry Kimsey-House writes, “There’s no better way to serve and nourish the magnificence in another person than to simply listen to them openheartedly and without judgment.”4 For me and slow charismatics like me, I prefer listening at length to others rather than talking. It gives me an insight into what makes them tick and what they are passionate about. If they are colleagues or friends, it creates or deepens my relationship with them because I invariably follow up on what I learned. By listening and learning, slow charismatics become adept masters at understanding how individual stories impact the cultural aspects of what is going on in their environments.

Slow charismatics listen, are passionate, and are secure in their understanding and observations of themselves and the world around them. These people are a grounded presence, even if they are not extroverted personalities. People pay attention to what they say, or they go to them for advice. Having leaders with these elements of charisma in any organization is incredibly important.

2. Shift your attention toward others.

By simply using the natural curiosity and observation skills of a slow charismatic to turn your focus on others, you become more confident, secure, and charismatic.

Why? Interestingly, focusing on ourselves instead of the people or environment around us is anti-charismatic. Zoe Chance, [title] writes at length about charisma and the power of interpersonal influence. In her book, Influence is Your Superpower: The Science of Winning Hearts, Sparking Change, and Making Good Things Happen, she writes, “The first paradox of charisma is that trying to be charismatic has the opposite effect.”5 Focusing on yourself and trying to be the center of attention instead of being curious and asking questions is seen as an anti-charismatic trait. 

Social psychologist and researcher James Pennebaker further explains this anti-charismatic trait in his book, The Secret Life of Pronouns. His research indicates that people who perceive themselves as having less authority or a lower status tend to use self-referential language more frequently. Studies analyzing formal and informal discussions, written messages, and speeches conclude that individuals who feel they do not have power use first-person pronouns, such as “I,” more often than others.6

So, ask a lot of questions about what people are saying: Why do you think that? Has this happened before? What do people who disagree with you say? Curiosity is what keeps the slow charismatic in the game of connecting and away from being a wallflower. Curiosity helps you keep a finger on the pulse of your organization and have a firm grasp of what’s going on. This enables you to master the cultural aspects of your organization, making you a great leader.  

3. Form and share your opinion!

The trick for me is also to share an opinion about a topic when I have something to contribute. I remember a close colleague encouraging me to step up and share my opinion. “Share what you think,” she told me. “Someone needs to hear it even if they don’t know they do.” When leaders share their opinions, they can inspire and motivate their team members to believe in and contribute to their shared vision. By sharing your opinion, you can also encourage open and honest communication, leading to a better understanding of other perspectives and ways to achieve your collective goals.

In his book, The 5 Levels of Leadership: Proven Steps to Maximize Your Potential, John Maxwell writes, “A great leader’s courage to fulfill his vision comes from passion, not position,” to highlight the importance of passion over mere authority for successful leadership.7 Ultimately, sharing your opinion can lead to a more passionate, motivated, and effective team that works together to achieve great things.

Remember: Be Bravable

Being a slow charismatic offers unique advantages in a world that often values extroversion and overt charisma. Slow charismatics have the power to captivate and inspire through their quiet confidence, deep understanding, emotional intelligence, and passionate beliefs. By embracing the Bravable Mindset and leveraging their inherent skills, slow charismatics can step into the spotlight and become effective leaders. Listening and creating connections, shifting attention towards others, and sharing your opinions are essential strategies for slow charismatics to shine and make a positive impact. Charisma is not solely reserved for the outgoing and flamboyant; it can be cultivated and harnessed by anyone who embraces their authentic self and illuminates their passion. So, let your charisma shine and lead with conviction because the world needs your unique strengths!

Citations

1. https://www.amazon.com/Quiet-Power-Introverts-World-Talking/dp/0307352145
2. https://www.amazon.com/Theory-Social-Economic-Organization/dp/1614272573
3. https://files.eric.ed.gov/fulltext/ED133827.pdf
4. https://www.amazon.com/Co-Active-Leadership-Five-Ways-Lead/dp/1626564566
5. https://www.amazon.com/Influence-Your-Superpower-Science-Sparking/dp/198485433X
6. https://www.amazon.com/Secret-Life-Pronouns-Pennebaker-published/dp/B00I62YZ6Y
7. https://www.amazon.com/Levels-Leadership-Proven-Maximize-Potential/dp/1599953633